


Fourth of July

by Applefall



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: M/M, Songfic, ab/ap era, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3682353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Applefall/pseuds/Applefall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick and Pete are fireworks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fourth of July

**Author's Note:**

> IM FINALLY POSTING THIS BECAUSE I FINALLY FINISHED THIS. THIS FIC IS LIKE THREE MONTHS IN THE MAKING BECAUSE I AM LAZY AS FUCK. 
> 
> Unbeta'd and not really checked at the moment. Soon, however.

Pete remembers the times that Patrick would spend the night as his house. When his nightmares got too bad he would call Patrick and without a second thought, Patrick would come over, even if it was three in the morning.

The younger boy would come into his house and make his way to his room, crawling into bed. He always wore a tee shirt and pajama pants to bed, whilst Pete always slept in his boxers. Pete always loved the feeling of his soft clothes against his bare skin and the way his arms would envelop him. Then, he would sing Pete to sleep.

In the mornings, Patrick would stay for a while. He would have fallen asleep next to Pete, still clutching him. Then he would wake up and make the two coffee, sitting in the living room with his les tucked underneath and holding a steaming mug of coffee until Pete came downstairs.

The sight of Patrick in the mornings was really a sight to behold. Messy strawberry bed head, sleepy blue green eyes lidded, pink lips wet from the amount of times he would swipe his tongue over them, attempting to get rid of the dryness.

Pete would come and sit next to him, holding his own mug, and they would talk for a few hours, until Patrick needed to get back home to change and do errands. Pete would watch as he left, smiling and pressing a kiss to Pete's temple.

The small kiss always left his skin buzzing.

But this was all before they had broken up. Even though it had been almost two years since they had gotten back together, Pete doesn't want to bother Patrick. Patrick's busy most of the time, and maybe the nightmare thing was a thing of the past. Pete was always disappointed when he woke up with nightmares and he couldn't call Patrick. The only good thing was that they were occurring less and less.

And if Pete was honest, he would say that the quiet morning they shared were what he missed most.

_I'll be as honest as you let me, I miss your early morning company, if you get me._

-x-

For years Pete wondered if Patrick returned his feelings. He loved the strawberry haired man more than anything else, but he never wanted to ask if Patrick felt the same about him. He was too anxious, too worried. He couldn't mess up the band, it was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

On some nights that nagging voice in his head would poke and prod and whisper, "He wouldn't love a screw up like you." or "Forget about him, he'll never love you." And those nights were the worst. It's how he ended up in the parking lot, clutching Ativan and wishing to die. Patrick saved his life, even though the next morning he had looked murderous and had refused to speak.

Pete always thought, what if. What if he told Patrick he was so in love with him. What if it didn't mess up their relationship and Patrick loved him too. What if Pete just leaned in and kissed him one day. Patrick was his biggest what if.

But now that they're back and working on their second album back, he knows he can't just drop something like this on Patrick. Patrick, who likes to worry and overwork himself if something's not quite okay. They're all still adjusting, trying to get back into that feeling.

Pete's feelings never died down, however, All the hiatus served to do was make his feelings stronger when they were reunited.

_You are my favorite "what if," you are my best "I'll never know."_

-x-

There was a Fourth of July party years ago. So many people were there, but Pete only had eyes for Patrick. Patrick dressed in a hoodie and formless jeans to hide himself, his signature hat pulled over his head as he nervously talked to people.

At one point Pete had led him away from everyone, taking him to the roof of the house. They had swiped a case of beers too, so they were all set. They sat there for hours, avoiding the party and talking and laughing with each other. At one point Patrick had almost fallen off the roof.

Pete's heart had jumped to his throat and his arms shot and enveloped Patrick just in time, pulling him close to him. Patrick had seemed shocked too, eyes wide with fear. Then they had starting laughing again.

When the fireworks show started, they say back and watched the explode high over head. Pete forgot himself in that moment and turned to see Patrick watching him, eyes soft. They'd leaned in at the same moment, lips just brushing.

Pete put a hand on his face and drew him closer, intensifying the kiss until they were making out, both drunk. Patrick had tasted like mint and slightly of the three cans of beer he'd had.

They'd broken apart and scooted closer to each other, Patrick's head on his shoulder, a hand tracing circles into Pete's stomach. Pete had an arm thrown around him, smiling up at the fireworks.

They never spoke of that day. Every Fourth of July party from then on, Patrick socialized with the crowd and made excuses to not be alone with Pete. It stung and it made the nagging voice in head come back. 

He wonders if Patrick regrets it, regres kissing him and giving him hope. Pete doesn't regret kissing him at all, though he wonders how different those parties would be if he hadn't.

Even after eight years, Pete can still remember the soft, breathy noises Patrick had made as their mouths moved in sync, the soft moan that had spilled from his lips as Pete had kissed his neck and rubbed circles into his side. Pete still remembers the taste and smell of Patrick.

He wonders if Patrick remembers it, too.

_I'm starting to forget, just what summer ever meant to you, what did it ever mean to you?_

-x-

The fight was the most terrifying moment of Pete's life. The screams and shouts of Patrick had been horrible, but the words Pete had screamed back were even worse.

They'd been fighting for ten minutes when Pete had screamed the worst thing he could have possibly said. He'd called Patrick fat.

Pete had never, ever thought Patrick was fat. Sure, he was bigger and nearing overweight, but he was always the perfect size. He didn't know what caused him to scream those words. They were the only words that had come to mind to insult him with. He knew, knew so well that Patrick was extreme self-conscious and insecure. Pete knew that he would sometimes cry into his pillow at night because of all the tweets and messages he would be sent about his weight.

Pete can still see the way Patrick's sleepy blue green eyes light up with surprise and shock and then dulled down to hurt and confusion.

"You're right." Patrick whispered, his voice hoarse from all the shouting they had been doing. "I am. I know." Pete had started spluttering apologies, but Patrick held a hand up to stop them. "No, you can't take back what you said. I don't... I don't think I can do this anymore, Pete." Patrick mumbled, dropping onto the couch and sighing. "After this show, the last show of this tour, we're done. I'm taking a break." Patrick said with an air of finality, his eyes hurt and sad.

"No! No, no, Patrick, oh god, please, I didn't mean-"

"You didn't mean it, but you said it. It doesn't change anything. I'm sick of this, Pete. Folie was a flop and I can't handle people telling me I'm fat and disgusting anymore." Patrick told him quietly. "This last show, an then I'm done. I'll tell Joe and Andy. I don't care. I need to get away from this."

They'd played the show and their chemistry had been terrible, each not even looking at each other during the show. Afterwards, Patrick had told Joe and Andy he was taking a break. Joe had agreed, he needed to get away from this band too. Andy had been upset, begging them to stay.

But in the end, they needed to get away from Pete. Pete was beyond disgusted with himself, hated what he had done to his band, to his best friends. Most days he could hardly look himself in the mirror.

So Pete stayed away from everyone, watched as Andy and Joe worked together and watched as Patrick grew more confident with his album. He attempted his own stuff, but working with Bebe wasn't the same. 

Eventuslly he stopped trying to make music and just tried to stop the voices in his head.

When they had come back, not one of them mentioned the hiatus. Patrick had lost weight, 60 pounds, he'd said proudly. He was slimmer in every way. His stomach was smaller, the only traces of his previous weight clinging to his thighs, hips, and waist.

Patrick's face was thinner as well, his cheekbones high and visible. His arms were smaller, though he still had his larger chest. He was so beautiful, but Pete couldn't get over the fact that he had made Patrick do this. Patrick had assured him that it wasn't him, that he had needed to lose weight before he developed some serious problems.

Pete still couldn't help but feel guilty.

They never spoke of the day they went on hiatus again.

_Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of it, I just got too lonely, lonely, in between being young and being right, you were my Versailles at night._

-x-

The task of not revealing his feelings to Patrick is starting to wear Pete down. He's so tired of pretending he doesn't want to hold him close or rock against him at night, he's sick of pushing his feelings down. Patrick is oblivious, like usual.

They're closer than ever these days, reading each other's minds. Patrick puts it simply, "There's only three members of Fall Out Boy. Me and Pete, were one person." Pete, for all his words, couldn't have put it any better than that. They put their heads together and their thighs brush when they're writing together, and it makes Pete long for him. Makes him remember that one, old memory.

One day after recording Centuries, they're exhausted and Patrick collapses in his lap. He's tired and he nuzzles against his thigh, yawning. "Love this." Patrick murmurs against his jeans, clearly out of it. "Love you." The words make Pete freeze. But Patrick doesn't do anything, doesn't react. Pete pushes it away and assumes he's saying I love you in a friendly way. Patrick says it to Joe and Andy and him all the time. Why would this time be any different?

Pete cards his hand through Patrick's hair and sighs. "Yeah, me too." He whispers when he's sure Patrick is asleep. "Me too."

Patrick loves them all, has told them all on countless occasions. They're all so close, best friends 'till the end. But Pete wished that that 'I love you' had meant something else.

_My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars, again and again 'till I'm stuck in your head, had my doubts but I let them out._

-x-

He can't breath without Patrick. Patrick is his other half, he completes him. Where Pete is loud, Patrick is quiet. Where he's dark, he's bright. They're complete opposites but they just click together, always have.

Sometimes he stays up late, listening to Patrick breath in the bunk under him. Sometimes he wonders where he'd be without him. It scares him when Pete realizes he's probably be dead. It's somewhat terrifying, the realization that he's wholly in love with Patrick, in love with his personality and attitude and body and smile, every part of him.

He's afraid because he's never loved anyone quite like this.

It's also terrifying because he doesn't know what he'll do if he doesn't tell Patrick of his feelings soon. He feels like he's going to explode. He drowns in his thoughts until he can't stand it anymore, climbing out of his bunk and crawling into Patrick's. He wakes Patrick and he looks startled before giving him a gentle smile. "S'been a while." Patrick murmurs, turning over and scooting to make room. Pete chokes out a laugh and spoons him, holding Patrick as close as he can. It has been a while because he's so afraid that Patrick will hate him if he does this again.

Patrick allows him to hold him close, makes a soft content noise when he does. It eases the anxiety in his chest and for a moment he just imagines that Patrick and him are together, that this was for real.

He holds him close and tight because this is the only way he'll get to.

_You are the drought and I'm the holy water you have been without. And all my thoughts of you, they could cool or heat the room._

-x-

Pete discovers Patrick crying in his bunk in November. His heart drops to his chest and he crawls in and holds him, rocking him. Patrick doesn't tell him why he's crying, just cries and cries and cries. Eventually he stops and he tells Pete to go away, so Pete does.

Patrick never tells him why he was crying. It was a rare thing for Patrick to cry and Pete keeps thinking back to the day, trying to figure it out.

"Pete, I'm tired of pretending." Patrick tells him one day, sitting on the couch next to him, looking tired. Pete's confused. What is he tired of?

"What?" He asks, furrowing his brow. Patrick looks at him with disappointment in his eyes and then stands.

"If you don't get it, I can't tell you." Patrick sighs and walks off, leaving Pete to wonder what the fuck just happened. Patrick was never one for being mysterious, but here he was, refusing to tell Pete anything. It kind of hurts.

He doesn't go after him though, it's far too late for that.

_And no, don't tell me you're crying, oh honey you don't have to lie._

-x-

Eventually he tries to move on. He hooks up with Mikey for a while, and Mikey makes him happy. Mikey tours with them for a while and Pete can't help but notice the glares Patrick gives him. He can't bring himself to care though. He just... Doesn't. Mikey kisses him and lets Pete fuck him and is funny and kind, but soft spoken and sharp. He's the complete opposite of Patrick.

After a while he starts to see Patrick instead of Mikey, envision the fat on his thighs and hips while he fucked Mikey. Mikey seems to notice somethings going on and one day sits him down.

"I know you're in love with Patrick." He tells him, a smile on his face. Pete's heart beats wildly, anxiety rising. No, he can't, he's trying to get over him and Mikey is his boyfriend. "It's okay, Pete. I've always known, even when we hooked up in '05."

Pete splutters and gasps and starts panicking. "Mikey, I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I love him so damn much it hurts, and he doesn't love me back." Mikey pulls him up and hugs him, soothing him in the way Mikey does.

"Pete, Patrick's been glaring at me since we started dating. I know it's not just me, we all notice that Patrick's jealous. I want you to be happy." He whispers in his ear. Pete stiffens and then nods, breaking apart from him. Mikey made him happy, but he couldn't replace Patrick.

He gave Mikey a final kiss and Mikey laughs, telling him to go find Patrick. Pete does, nearly tackling him when he saw him in the back room. "Patrick, I have to tell you something." He gasps, holding onto his shoulders. Patrick stiffens and looks worried, and so Pete just surges forward and presses his lips against Patrick.

He tastes just like he remembers.

_I wish I'd known how much you loved me, I wish I cared enough to know._

-x-

They have another huge fight. "I'm fucking sorry! I'm fucking sorry that I'm in love with you and I'm sorry I have to live every day knowing you don't love me back!" Pete shouts. He's so ready to give up. Patrick's face turns bright red and he opens and closes his mouth, then steps forward. "Every song is about you and you don't fucking realize!"

Patrick slaps him across the face and the surges forward and kisses him. Pete instantly melts into the kiss and clutches him closer, every nerve awakening. He hasn't felt this alive since Patrick first kissed him all those years ago.

They kiss and kiss until Patrick breaks away, their chests heaving. "Fuck you, Pete Wentz." Patrick says weakly. "I thought you were joking yesterday."

Pete shakes his head fervently. "Never." Patrick kisses him again and sighs. "I meant it, you know. Every song I wrote was about you, in some form."

"I'm sorry it took me this long to realize." Patrick whispers, looking genuinely upset. "All these years I could have told you-" Pete cuts him off by gently pressing his lips to his and pulling away.

"I know Lunchbox, I know."

_I'm sorry every songs about you, the torture of small talk with someone you used to love._

-x-

They start dating and they're happy together. They're even more inseparable now. Patrick decides he wants to let their fans know and so they do. The positivity is overwhelming.

Before they were two people. Now they're one. It's like they're connected in every way, and Pete loves it. Fall Out Boy releases AB/AP and they feel on top of the world, invincible. They're fireworks.

Patrick and him are unstoppable and they'll continue to be, Pete just knows it. It's the best feeling in the world, to finally be with the person he loves after thirteen long years. They kiss and make love. Pete is finally happy, finally. There's still the anxiety and there's still Patrick's self esteem issues, but they have each other.

They are truly one person of Fall Out Boy, together forever and unbeatable.

They are _fireworks_.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are dearly appreciated because this was a fic that took forever to write and I'd like to know how it went.


End file.
